CommenTerry

Song Lyrics I've Misunderstood

I don't know about you, but I'm constantly misunderstanding song lyrics. In many cases, I never figure what's actually being sung until I see the words in writing. Here are some examples of song lyrics I've misunderstood over the years:

(1) From Billy Joel's "My Life":

Actual lyrics: "Got a call from an old friend. We used to be real close."

What I heard: "Got a call from an old friend weast of the riv boat."

(2) From the Black Crowes' "Too Hard to Handle":

Actual lyrics: "Mamma, I'm sure hard to handle now"

What I heard: "Mamma, I'm sure am da henda now"

(3) From the opening theme to Good Times:

Actual lyrics: "Easy credit ripoffs"

What I heard: "Easy crayda ripoffs"

Actual lyrics: "Hangin' in a chow line"

What I heard: "Hangin' and a jivin'"

(4) From the opening theme to All in the Family:

Actual lyrics: "Gee, our old LaSalle ran great"

What I heard: "Gee, our old LaSow rent rate"

(5) From the opening theme to The Flintstones:

Actual lyrics: "They're the modern stone age family"

What I heard: "They're a modern-storic family"

Actual lyrics: "From the town of Bedrock"

What I heard: "Wilma, down in Bedrock"

(6) From the opening and closing themes to Gilligan's Island respectively:

Actual lyrics: "The ship took ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle"

What I heard: "The ship sacrowned on the shore of this, a charted desert isle"

Actual lyrics: "No phones, no lights, no motor cars"

What I heard: "No phones, no lights, no motorguard"

(7) From Exile's "Kiss You All Over":

Actual lyrics: "Till the night closes in"

What I heard: "Till the night comes within"

(8) From Jackson Browne's "Lawyers in Love":

Actual lyrics: "As vacation land for lawyers in love"

What I heard: "As vacation land for liars in love"

(9) From Gordon Lightfoot's "Carefree Highway":

Actual lyrics: "Carefree Highway, let me slip away on you"

What I heard: "Every highway lets me slip away on you"

(10) From Paul McCartney's "My Brave Face":

Actual lyrics: "My brave, my brave, my brave face"

What I heard: "My great, my great, my great face"

(11) From America's "Ventura Highway":

Actual lyrics: "Ventura highway in the sunshine"

What I heard: "Venture a highway in the sunshine"

(12) From the Eagles' "The Best of My Love":

Actual lyrics: "Wastin' our time on cheap talk and wine"

What I heard: "Wastin' our time on cheap-talkin' wine"

(13) From Elvis Presley's "Don't be Cruel":

Actual lyrics: "Sittin' home all alone"

What I heard: "Sittin' on morning low"

Actual lyrics: "Don't be cruel to a heart that's true"

What I heard: "Don't be cruel -- true heart that's true"

(14) From Earth Wind and Fire's "Dancing in September":

Actual lyrics: "Aaahh Ba de ya -- Say do you remember"

What I heard: "On and on -- Santa, you remember"

(15) From James Taylor's "Fire and Rain":

Actual lyrics: "I've seen fire and I've seen rain"

What I heard: "Obscene fire and obscene rain"

The Worst Possible Mistake by a Presidential Candidate?

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Psychic James Von Prague claims to be a medium. However, he looks more like a large!

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Since the Montreal Canadiens hockey team is nicknamed the "Habs", does this mean that all the other teams could accurately be called the Hab-nots? Is professional hockey just a struggle between the Habs and the Hab-nots?

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Even if you go the whole nine yards, you'll still come up one yard short of a first down!

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You should never lose your temper; you'll need it the next time you get angry!

Another "Stan"?

There are currently seven countries in the world whose names end with "stan": Afghanistan, Pakistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan. However, there may soon be an eighth. Some of the folks in northeast Afghanistan want to break off from that country and form a new one which would also have a name that ends with "stan." They haven't come up with a name yet, so I suggest calling it the following until they do: Makeanewplanstan!

I Can't Do That Trick!

I'm always amazed when I see a car parallel-parked with its front bumper less than a half an inch from the back bumper of the car in front of it. I could never park a car that close to another one without hitting it. Then again, I don't have eyes that can protrude out of their sockets, over the hood of my car, and down my front bumper like some people must have!

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From my early childhood, I began to master the art of "sneaky" conversation steering. Here's how it works: Let's say there's something that I personally find extremely hurtful or painful to talk about. I also don't want to have to explain why I feel that way about that particular subject. I'll call it topic D. Then let's suppose that several of us are standing around talking and the conversation is now at topic A. I know from past experience that topic A could easily lead to topic B, which could easily lead to topic C, which could easily lead to topic D. I then steer the conversation to topic Y without anyone noticing what I did or questioning my motive for doing it.

Are You Haired?

Time for me to coin another new word, this time, the word "haired." Now I know that word already exists, of course, but it's always used in conjunction with adjectives like grey, curly, red, short, etc. But I'm talking about using it as a standalone word defined as: "having hair; the opposite of bald." For example, one might say, "my brother is bald, but my father is haired."