Here's a law every state should have on its books: Anyone convicted of murdering his or her spouse should not be allow to marry again.
What's the difference between pro wrestling and a three-ring circus? Answer: Two rings!
I'm constantly finding new ways to accidentally inflict physical pain on myself.
Whenever someone tells me something like, ".....that's the way it is in my book", I respond by saying, "I haven't read your book, I'm waiting for the movie!"
People who are violently aggressive and intimidating are the lowest of the low. Thieves are a close second.
Never type out anything when you can easily cut and paste it. The cut-and-paste method greatly reduces your margin for error and allows you to cheat Murphy's Law as much as possible.
Three-quarters of all "big" innings (four or more runs scored) in Major League Baseball involve walks, errors, and/or bad defensive decisions.
I'm always amazed when I see a car parallel-parked with its front bumper less than a half an inch from the back bumper of the car in front of it. I could never park a car that close to another one without hitting it. Then again, I don't have eyes that can protrude out of their sockets, over the hood of my car, and down my front bumper like some people must have!
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